New Content

Latest Updates:

Some new updates in the works.  I've added three new sections (other's work, buy stuff, and for media) which are each under construction and will hopefully be up sometime next week.

Also, I've created a new blog.  Check it out at http://nodesignation.wordpress.com

The Workshop section has been overhauled.  I'm beginning a strong attempt to book several speaking engagements over the next year.  Check out all the new specific workshops and their descriptions. 

The online supplement to my thesis was corrupted. I re-loaded it and you can find it here.

The Site Manifesto

When I decided to put together a webpage to collect and showcase my writings and artwork over the past few years there was very little doubt what I would call it.  Being forced to live my life without any clear identity to place myself in has been a dominant issue in my life.  Sure, there are a few different terms that I use now and then, but all of them seem to miss the point on some level.

No Designation

I have a good understanding of what my gender is and what that looks like; I just don’t have any words to explain it. One time I explained this lack of language to someone and they suggested to me that I just go ahead and create a word, thinking then later down the line someone else with the same gender as me would be grateful.  I had thought about that, but there was a more important issue on my mind.  Struggling to find the words to explain myself without any language to describe the intricacies of my experiences has been a momentous impact on my life.  I’d much rather create recognition for the experience of having no labels than create recognition for my own specific gender and how it  differs from the genders of other trans and genderqueer folk.  I’d rather focus my attention on the experience of not having a proper classification for my gender, race, or sexuality.  Living with no designation. 

Identity without Labels

I checked my horoscope this week and found the following quote to ponder. 

“The basic tools for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words.  If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words.”
 –Philip K. Dick.

And if there are no words for something, it is assumed not to exist.  Yet we can challenge that.  When I attempt to use the inadequate labels that have been set out for me, I try to force myself into an image that does not reflect who I am.  Parts of myself are hidden, other parts are overemphasized, and other parts are fabricated out of nothing.  However, in claiming an identity without proclaiming a label, all guidelines are dropped and we can start from scratch.  I can still describe and communicate my identity, but would rather err on the side of lack of information than on the side of misinformation. 

Labels without Commitment.

Labels are nonetheless very powerful communication techniques and it can be very empowering to find a label to identify with, yet with each label and the set of information that comes with that label, there will be incorrect information along with the information that the person wants to communicate.  No one fits a label perfectly.  I find it utterly impossible to answer questions like, “Are you butch?  Are you femme?”  Sometimes I’ve even been stumped by, “Are you queer?  Are you trans?  Are you genderqueer?”  A yes answer would confirm some things about me, but wouldn’t be entirely accurate.  At the same time a no answer would deny important basic parts of me.  I cannot give a straight answer.

And so my answer has become “Yes.”  Take whatever information you can from the label, but know I won’t fit all your expectations.  And if I am challenged, if someone claims I am not “trans enough,” it’s simple enough to deal with. All I have to do is use a few modifiers. If someone says that I am not trans—or any other identity I claim—I simply clarify that I am a genderqueer trannydyke.  I am a transperson who does not put a lot of weight in passing.  I am a butch who sometimes wears a skirt.  I am queer, I am bi—but I prefer not to use that term—I am femme, I am a person of color, I am a white person, I am multiracial.  I am all of these things, even the contradicting ones, because the real contradiction is that anyone was ever expected to be just one thing.

--Tobi Hill-Meyer

Site Structure

Home
You're here.

Writings
See some of the things I've written

Visuals
Photography and graphic design.

Videos
Mixed media and footage of performances.

Workshops
I've done lots of presentations and speaking engagements.  See what I've done or what I can do for you.

Links
My favorite places on the web that deal with similar issues as the ones I bring up on this website.

Contact
Find out about Tobi Hill-Meyer, who she is, what ze does and how to get in contact with her.

Other Folks
Friends, partners, and others who have wanted to get some of their writing or artwork out there.  I put their work in this section.

Buy Stuff
I've got zines and soon to have some other things.  But right now, just zines.

Media
If you are a member of the media looking for expert commentary on issues of gender and sexuality, please contact me here.

All content copyright Tobi Hill-Meyer. 
All rights reserved except where otherwise noted.